Concerning Rarity
by TurkeySM
Summary: The third of many back-and-forth dialogues between a brony and a non-brony regarding My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The lines that are in italics belong to the non-brony. This one was made with the help of a friend.


Do you like marshmallows?

_Marshmallows? Sure, what's not to like about them?_

No, not regular marshmallows. I mean Rarity, duh. She's often compared to a marshmallow. Can you guess why?

_Um, she's white and...soft?_

And sweet and yummy and squishy!

_Ugh, sounds like edible glue._

Don't say that! Rarity would hate glue! It's messy! The only time she'd use glue is if she was making something, in which case it'd be the best use of glue ever!

_Sheesh! She sounds like the fussy type! What does she make anyway?_

'What doesn't she make?' That's the real question! She can do anything with those hooves!

_So she's a Leonardo or something?_

Better. She'll go down in history long after those guys have been forgotten. She likes making dresses for her friends but sometimes it stresses her out trying to please everypony. I can totally relate to that!

_So she's a dressmaker, huh? That's quite a respectable job! And how is it you could relate to her o fan boy of Rarity?_

Well it's more than just relating to her. She's like, the perfect woman!

_Woman? Ah, so I'm not talking about a pony for once. A perfect woman, eh? And how is this woman so perfect?_

Well, she is a pony, but that doesn't matter. Love is love, right? And she's perfect because she's so funny and cute! She has a pet cat - did you know that?

_Love is love...what in the world? Anyway, so it's another pony. I thought after that last pink hooligan I'd be done with these things. ...No I did not know she has a cat. I assume it's funny and cute too?_

No, actually. It's a real bitch! I feel sorry for Rarity for having to put up with it!

_So her cat's a female dog? I definitely feel sorry for her if she has to put up with that!_

You know what I mean! Ugh! Just trust me: I'm a brony, so I know better than you do, okay? I bet if you watched the show you'd love her too!

_Alright, I'll trust your very, very, very, very capable judgment. If she is so lovable, then I'm sure I'd fall head over heels...no wait, was it head over hooves? Anyway, I'm sure she'd be a gem._

Gems! Oh! She loves those too! Especially when Spike gave her this really big one shaped like a heart!

_That sounds...rather sweet actually. Corny, but sweet. I presume Spike's some sort of majestic stallion whose mane blows in the wind?_

He's a dragon! And, before you think of saying, "Eww, that's inter-species!" or anything like that, don't even start: it makes perfect sense in the show and there's nothing weird about it!

_A dragon and a pony...eeeeeh, if you say so. It certainly wouldn't be the first time I heard that there's nothing weird about love._

It's not like anything dirty happens! That only happens in the fan-fiction!

_Well, I'll go with you on that one. You did say that she doesn't like dirty, messy stuff if I remember correctly._

Well, mess and sex are different things, but I won't go into that now! She keeps those sorts of things behind closed doors! I get the feeling that she's a very private person...I mean pony.

_Well, that's nice to know that this fine "pony" keeps sex...wait, why am I using the words sex and pony in the same sentence?_

Ponies have sex!

_And now this conversation is heading to dark corners._

Sometimes the characters in the show enter dark corners. There was this one episode where Rarity had a break-down and almost became a crazy cat lady!

_Is that so? So she's one of those elderly ponies with the many cats hanging around?_

She's youthful! Well, I think so, anyway. It's hard to tell how old the ponies are. Faust said one thing, others say other things...I have no idea how old she is, but I imagine her to be in her early 20s.

_Faust? Wasn't Faust an old man? Egads! What is the man who made a deal with the devil doing with ponies?_

NO! Not Marlowe's Faust! This is an entirely different kettle of fish! Although Rarity is the sort of pony to make deals...

_Rarity makes deals with devils using kettles of fish as currency?_

The currency of Ponyville is bits, not kettles! What would a pony do with a kettle? They don't have electricity!

_Um, cook? I was so sure I saw electricity being used. No wait, that's my TV._

There was like, one episode that pushed technology forwards by hundreds of years, but fans mostly hate that one.

_Um, ok? Did Rarity make some sort of futuristic design dress?_

No, she designed the costume, though! A lot of ponies wore it, so it probably became quite sweaty inside...

_Eeeh, sweaty. I can see why she would only design it and not wear it._

She's smarter than the other ponies like that. She also has a lovely singing voice - the best in the world!

_Wasn't there that one, um, Pony of Pop?_

You mean Sapphire Shores? You never really hear her sing.

_Pity. I'm sure she would have sounded similar to a little unicorn I've heard of. Was it Sweetie Drum? Sour Belle?_

Sweetie Belle! She's Rarity's younger sister. They get into fights all the time - it's really funny to see it!

_Ah, so it's a small world after all. The glorious rivalry between sisters at work always is quite the sight to see._

You're not wrong there. Once Sweetie Belle tried to get rid of Rarity as a sister! I almost cried!

_You find their fights funny and yet you cry. Pony fans sure make for some fair folk._

Friendship is Magic is an emotional show, okay? But, if you must know, I, like most of my kind, have a lot of emotional insecurities, okay?!

_You don't have to tell me twice..._

I'm done talking to you! Just like Rarity would say, "This has been the worst...possible...THING!"

_...wow. The brony left me instead of the other way around._  
_..._  
_This calls for a party! A FABULOUS party! Yay._

**[Fin]**


End file.
